Xia Igarashi ([personal profile] unbr8kable) wrote2020-04-23 06:54 pm

continuations

from other threads
crossmyheartandhope: (Spill our leaves)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
[A rush of heat, stronger than before, as she accepts the chocolate - as she catches his finger - as something sparks, bright and wanting, and he fumbles to tamp it down before she can see]

[His cheeks are burning; his eyes skitter out toward the rooftops of the other building, almost desperately, trying to find something else to concentrate on]
crossmyheartandhope: (Just shine a light into the wreckage)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
A-ah - yeah. Sorry.

[Disappointment, there and gone in a flash, that he does not quite manage to hide]

[Guilt rushes in to follow it, and shame alongside, low and insidious. He ducks his head and keeps his gaze firmly on the cityscape, even as he breaks off another chunk of cone to use as a spoon, if only to give his hands something to do]
crossmyheartandhope: (Cast from trees)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
[The guilt doesn't go; it's tangled up in disappointment that he can't quite shake, in the almost-painful spike of regret as she stumbles through the explanation. Self-reproach comes hot on its heels, a quiet little ache that feels ingrained enough to be set dressing, to be a backdrop. It's been there so long it's familiar as breathing.]

[He shoves it down, as best he's able - tucks it carefully aside. And if he can't quite quash the part of him that's greedy, that's selfish, that wants too much when he has so much already, he can ignore it and hope she doesn't see]

...you ain't gross, dude.

[He musters up everything he can pull together to send back her way - warmth, and earnest affection, and gratitude for all of this - for her, and the rooftop, and the parfait, and for every single moment since they've gotten here and how stupidly happy it's made him. Somewhere under that, coiled around his feet like a serpent, is an implicit apology: it's not her fault, he's working on it, he'll do better, he's trying,]

Well. Cept for the natto.
Edited 2020-05-11 01:44 (UTC)
crossmyheartandhope: (Just like every other morning before)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
[He winces, a little, at that feeling - the tight, heavy ball, and that sense of things ruined, and how intimately familiar it is and how much she's got the blame with the wrong person.]

Xia...
Edited 2020-05-11 02:36 (UTC)
crossmyheartandhope: (Just the image of our maker?)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
No, I -

I mean, yeah, we can take a dessert break, but like.

[He ducks his head - traces the lines of the roof with his eyes, so he doesn't have to see her expression]

Sorry. For - for real. I been - trying real hard, since that one time, but sometimes I ain't - great at it?

But I been trying. And I'll keep trying. It's just - harder, sometimes.

[The guilt is wound through him like a vine; the uncertainty trembles on the edges. There's something else under that, something like - hope, almost? That she'll understand - that she won't hold it against him, that he promised and then keeps messing it up]
crossmyheartandhope: (And there's no one at home)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
You weren't being weird, dude.

And you didn't screw nothing up. I'm the one that, like. You know. Took it the wrong way.

[A flare of remembered heat, the scrape of teeth - and even now, a spark of want comes with it before he can smother it down, before the guilt can drag it somewhere no one can see]

And it wasn't even - that. I mean - I know you didn't mean nothing by it. I just. I'm just dumb. You know?

[It aches, low and deep, somewhere in his chest. That's normal, too. That's been there just about forever - in the way the sunlight catches her hair, when he turns his head just a little, and the way she still has a fleck of pudding on her lip, and the way --]

[He ducks his head - looks away, doing his very best to slam on the brakes before that can get any further. Before the swell of feeling rises up to drown him. Before she sees, though the harder he tries not to think about it, the more it circles around, and the higher the guilt creeps]

A-anyway. It ain't you. Okay? So - I promise. I'll do better.
crossmyheartandhope: (Lord we are all cinders)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
What do you mean, disrespectful? You - pretty sure there's nothing you could do, that'd be disrespectful.

[The guilt's still eating him alive, but under that, there's a well of affection, warm and strong, shot through with an ache that's almost physical]

And I - I'm nothing, dude, you're the one that deserves better than me.

I'm the one over here thinking about stuff I promised I'd quit thinking about. It's been like a year, and I'm - I'm just real bad at it, I guess. You're just, like - doing normal stuff, and I'm over here making it weird.
crossmyheartandhope: (Just the image of our maker?)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 07:02 am (UTC)(link)
[She definitely catches the feedback from the distress - feels its echo in him when he contemplates what it would be like without her]

[He looks like he's ready to say something, ready to interject - but then she's pushing on, and he takes her hand, instead - squeezes it, careful and reassuring.]

[Finally, at last, when she's finished:]

...okay. I - I mean. If it's a big deal to you, I'll try not to - to say stuff like that no more.

[He's not sure he can promise not to think it - not when he is the one who makes it weird, nine times of ten. There's a rush of guilt at that, buried somewhere deep, but he tamps down on it, hard. If she wants him to try, he can try. She deserves that much, at least]
Edited 2020-05-11 14:43 (UTC)
crossmyheartandhope: (Always did what you were told)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-11 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[For a long time, he doesn't say anything at all]

[He's too busy lost in his own feelings, and in hers. They're nothing new, these feelings; they rise up every time she says something casual that cuts her down to nothing, every time she casts herself aside in favor of someone else]

[He swallows. His thumb traces the back of her hand, gentle]

Just... it goes both ways, is all.

You're - there ain't no one more important to me than you. Okay?

[The affection from before is slow, and warm, and deep. It goes all through him, from the top to the bottom, wound through like roots in the soil. He presses it out toward her, careful - a peace offering, if she'll take it]
crossmyheartandhope: (And there's no one at home)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-12 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
[There's a little stutter of surprise at that soft, steady light - something taken aback by the intensity of her appreciation]

[He opens up for it, like before, unfurling himself so that he can soak it in and hold it close. He's a little desperate for it, frankly - almost painfully grateful - decidedly self-conscious to need it so badly]

I... wouldn't mind. Sharing like this sometimes.
Edited 2020-05-12 03:43 (UTC)
crossmyheartandhope: (Are we condemned?)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-12 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
[He almost can't imagine going back to not having this, now that he's gotten a taste. It slips through, shaky, like an admission he doesn't want to make]

[She can feel it, in the way he's almost radiating contentment - in the way he hoards the feelings in, like he's afraid to lose them]

[He's a little helpless in the face of it, the way he was before, everything gentle and bright. Affection radiates out toward her, that center-of-the heart feeling that's all warm, soft things, earnest and straightforward. It feels a little like he's offering up everything he has - holding it out to her, carefully, in both hands]

[He leans against her, almost cautious; another layer of contentment settles onto all the rest, at the contact, almost disproportionately good for such a small gesture]

Yeah. Might be real nice.
crossmyheartandhope: (Lord we are all cinders)

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

[personal profile] crossmyheartandhope 2020-05-12 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Anytime, dude. I'm in if you are.

[It's so much it makes him almost shy, something in him stumbling in the face of so much praise, so much affection, as though not quite sure what to do with it.]

[Each wave of feeling stirs one in return; he offers them out to her, helplessly loving, caught up in everything she is, and everything she's done, and all of the ways she amazes him]

[He takes in what she's sending, clumsy - clutches it to himself, even though there's a sense, somewhere in there, that he does not quite deserve this. It's hard to focus on that, though, when everything is so good. He's dazed and a little wondering, unsteady but so grateful - grateful all over again, when she leans back against him, warm and solid by his side.]

[There's a spark of confusion at "pretty" - however unbelievable it all feels, that one especially seems out of place. Their feelings must be overlapping, everything's so close, because surely that's for her. The crooked curve of her smile, with just a hint of teeth showing; the way her hair falls over her shoulders in a angle that never doesn't make him want to run his fingers through it; the way her eyes light up, when she's got an idea, mischievous and bright, the promise of something amazing to come. The way her -]

[A flush of embarrassment, as he catches himself - a small tendril of guilt, as he scrambles to tuck that away, down out of sight]