[ the confusion stays, though it's tinged now with empathy, and a little distress.
but it's all inward, or reaction to nem's feelings-- nothing negative directed really at her, and more baffled and alarmed that she blames herself at all. ]
Listen. You can believe what you want but this is the truth, okay? We fucked it up, sure, but I don't blame you. I'll never blame you. You got hurt just as bad as the rest of us, you have permanent shit on you just like the rest of us. We were all in it together. There was nothing you could have done short of killing me yourself to prevent me from trying to help either you guys, or Ellie. I wanted to be there.
[ a pause. ]
... and the last game's shit-- that was nothing to do with just the wings, you know. If it weren't for you and Sabre stopping me from doing it, I was ready to cut off my ears and tear out my teeth and rip off my skin. Awful shit. That's not cuz of the corruptions. That's cuz I'm already a weirdo to begin with. I'm a vampire. I'm never going to be normal, no matter what some junked up voice in my head was telling me-- preventing that was never your responsibility.
[ softer, sincerely grateful; ]
You guys kept me together. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that in the first place. ... but thank you, for doing it.
[still is, at the memory of Req’s fingers clawing into her skin, the desperation in her voice, at how helpless she herself was to stop it. At the same time, defiance sprouts up—why has she got to be normal anyway? Why would she want to when she’s cool and strong and beautiful and good as she is?]
...What can I do to be—better, for you? Other than stop saying stupid mean shit all the time?
Sabre had other peeps to worry about too. I'm sure she was glad for the break. Doesn't matter how much or little you did-- you helped.
[ curious and intrigued by that rise of emotion, but doesn't focus on it-- the question brings up a feeling of uncertainty and mild exasperation, that love rising up again whether she wants it to or not, more of a deep ache than something soft and sweet. ]
Why you gotta be better for me? I like you the way you are. I don't-- I can't fix all the junk wrong with you like you can't fix all the junk wrong with me too, but I just... want you to be able to be comfortable, one day. Maybe with me, if you wanted it. I dunno how to make that happen, I ain't a therapist. But I hope... one day, it can.
You deserve better than this place.
[ and better than me, says that feeling of self- loathing twisting up within her again, though it's met with her own selfish, needy affection-- of wanting Nem's attentions, possessive, thankfully tempered by that self- loathing to begin with and the much stronger desire to see her happy. ]
... if there's something you wanna change it should be for yourself. Because I like this you.
[Very few deserve as good as Req, though, much less better than her--this is a stout belief, even stronger than the feeling that Nemesis is not quite up to snuff, not yet. She is somewhere between dismissive and anxious about the rest; the idea of seeing someone to be "fixed" prompts legitimate fear that is surely not worth examining further, even if that itself is another mood change that is probably not normal in a bad way not a cool vampire way?]
...And you should have higher standards.
[Resigned--tired of being worked up--rather than argue she just sighs, pulling her knees up to balance on the edge of the bench--carefully offers her hand out between them]
[ there's staunch disagreement in that-- nem IS good enough, more than-- but it's washed away a bit by the offer of her hand, surprised and a little flattered.
[hesitates again, then takes Requiem's hand, slow enough that she could take it back if she wanted to--she certainly has the right to do so. offers the idea that Requiem is in fact very good, and that she would like to touch her though it is not required or expected, and--finally--feelings of genuine apology, not requesting forgiveness but just acknowledging that she fucked up and that she's sorry for it, with effort made to keep it simple as that, rather than other unnecessary feelings bleeding in]
[ ah... she curls her fingers back against Nem's hand, firm but gentle, the touch bringing some small sense of relief through it and washing away that bit of residual hurt.
takes that apology-- acknowledges it with forgiveness, pretty much immediately, the feeling swamped in affection and warmth and a little regret, a desire to be closer (but not pushing it) and comfort her (not really believing she's allowed, or capable) and just... want? Plain want, coming from that deep and warm and aching place of love, wanting her to be happy, wanting to be close, wanting to touch, wanting her attention and affection and, more than anything, wanting her to be sure this is actually what she wants. Requiem, this situation-- any of it.
but she cares about her, so much, so if nothing else-- if nothing else, surely that counts for something. ]
[carefully tightens her grip, taking comfort in the contact--in the (undeserved) forgiveness, in the warmth of her feelings and her hand itself. Otherwise she doesn't attempt to engage with the humbling intensity of that want just now, hoping that just the simple, manageable pleasure of this tiny contact can keep her insecurities at bay for a little longer.
(there is a certain yearning that leaks out nevertheless, wanting acknowledgement and comfort and to be wanted, if not needed, but maybe no one will notice that part)]
[ it's impossible not to notice, her attention hooking into that yearning
and pulling it closer-- this is something she can do, something she can
HELP, and she can't stop herself from flooding the connection with honest,
eager desire.
Nor can she stop herself from giving into the impulse of that desire,
shuffling closer to close the gap between them and curl her arms around Nem
and wrap around her, wings and all, grip tight. ]
[she makes a little sound, overwhelmed, drowning in the feeling—breathing it in, swallowing it down. That is not why her second reaction (the first being that last gasp as she’s pulled under) is a swell of grateful, sheepish relief; that would have happened anyway thanks to the feeling of being safe and secure and sheltered by and with Requiem.
It is why she presses back into Req’s embrace with another low hum, neediness taking a slightly different tone. The desire is met with plenty of her own once she stops attempting to hide it, and she noses into Req’s shoulder and neck. skin hot and lips soft, still wanting all of those things and happy to settle for any]
[ that warmth and affection and desperation to please wells up strong within her again, huddling her face into Nem's hair and taking in her scent and heat of her skin. It's pure elation, that she's here and now and they're together and that Nemesis wants just as strongly as she does.
Even if it's not love, this is more than enough. ]
[runs her hands up Req’s back, gentle over and around the base of her wings; presses equally gentle kisses over what of Req’s skin she can reach, a little package of apology and thanks and fondness and need with each one. Underneath that is the same unfocused need, both soothed and spurred by Req’s passion; an unconscious call to please let her stay]
[ she mumbles it against her hair, almost fiercely, a response to that unspoken plea. She squeezes again, holding her tight, but ultimately relaxes against her and just shivers under those little kisses, flattered and totally smitten, even if those little threads of apology rise up in her as well.
she pulls back slightly, to press her own little kiss under nem's ear, her fingers smoothing down against her sides. ]
[because she doesn’t want to leave like this—because she wants to be held and needed, even if she’s weak and awkward and undeserving—because the few times she actually can be a support to Requiem make the rest feel worthwhile. Because she likes it here, held in Req’s cool skin and warm heart and when it’s good, when she doesn’t mess it up, it’s amazing.
So she follows after, automatic, as Req pulls back; shivers at the touch, half ticklish, half aroused; angles her head to give Req room—angles it again to try and catch her lips in an attempt to at least push some of that feeling across]
[ again, that staunch belief that she is good enough, she does deserve this and more-- better. the needy wanting slowly shifts, muddling until it's replaced by a desire to give, even if that's selfish in itself; to offer her feelings, her love, her touch, to give what she can to make this better for Nemesis, to make things-- not now, maybe another time-- hurt less, to not screw up and say stupid shit like she usually does.
many feelings are certainly getting across, at least, and she eagerly kisses her back, her own warm arousal sparking again at the feel of her lips and body and nem's own pleasure.
-- and it stutters, briefly, as she pulls back, presses those tiny, sweet kisses to her lips and cheeks, trying to reign it in. they're in a park, after all. ]
[lets out a soft whine, though the tiny kisses are very good, and she very much appreciates that Requiem remembers and shares them with her, and she wants--to feel her touches, to believe the things that she does and doesn't say.
Nemesis does not push it, but very obviously wants to. (She's never been great at not getting carried away)]
Marceline-- Can we...?
[mental images don't quite carry over through the link, but given the associated feelings, Requiem can probably make some educated guesses]
[Noses in against her, eskimo kisses against her neck]
Definitely don't gotta worry about that. ...But thanks.
[It's nice that Req remembers to ask even when she herself doesn't, and she sends another wave of trust and gratitude, feels special just to be here in the first place]
[a flutter in her belly and a bright, warm feeling in her chest, and she holds on tightly for a long stretch of heartbeats. Of course, her heart is beating pretty quick, so maybe it's not all that long after all]
[ reluctant to pull away but she eventually does, and stands, holding Nem's hand firmly and just... heading off to the hotel, her emotions all excited and light. ]
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Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
but it's all inward, or reaction to nem's feelings-- nothing negative directed really at her, and more baffled and alarmed that she blames herself at all. ]
Listen. You can believe what you want but this is the truth, okay? We fucked it up, sure, but I don't blame you. I'll never blame you. You got hurt just as bad as the rest of us, you have permanent shit on you just like the rest of us. We were all in it together. There was nothing you could have done short of killing me yourself to prevent me from trying to help either you guys, or Ellie. I wanted to be there.
[ a pause. ]
... and the last game's shit-- that was nothing to do with just the wings, you know. If it weren't for you and Sabre stopping me from doing it, I was ready to cut off my ears and tear out my teeth and rip off my skin. Awful shit. That's not cuz of the corruptions. That's cuz I'm already a weirdo to begin with. I'm a vampire. I'm never going to be normal, no matter what some junked up voice in my head was telling me-- preventing that was never your responsibility.
[ softer, sincerely grateful; ]
You guys kept me together. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that in the first place. ... but thank you, for doing it.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[still is, at the memory of Req’s fingers clawing into her skin, the desperation in her voice, at how helpless she herself was to stop it. At the same time, defiance sprouts up—why has she got to be normal anyway? Why would she want to when she’s cool and strong and beautiful and good as she is?]
...What can I do to be—better, for you? Other than stop saying stupid mean shit all the time?
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ curious and intrigued by that rise of emotion, but doesn't focus on it-- the question brings up a feeling of uncertainty and mild exasperation, that love rising up again whether she wants it to or not, more of a deep ache than something soft and sweet. ]
Why you gotta be better for me? I like you the way you are. I don't-- I can't fix all the junk wrong with you like you can't fix all the junk wrong with me too, but I just... want you to be able to be comfortable, one day. Maybe with me, if you wanted it. I dunno how to make that happen, I ain't a therapist. But I hope... one day, it can.
You deserve better than this place.
[ and better than me, says that feeling of self- loathing twisting up within her again, though it's met with her own selfish, needy affection-- of wanting Nem's attentions, possessive, thankfully tempered by that self- loathing to begin with and the much stronger desire to see her happy. ]
... if there's something you wanna change it should be for yourself. Because I like this you.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[Very few deserve as good as Req, though, much less better than her--this is a stout belief, even stronger than the feeling that Nemesis is not quite up to snuff, not yet. She is somewhere between dismissive and anxious about the rest; the idea of seeing someone to be "fixed" prompts legitimate fear that is surely not worth examining further, even if that itself is another mood change that is probably not normal in a bad way not a cool vampire way?]
...And you should have higher standards.
[Resigned--tired of being worked up--rather than argue she just sighs, pulling her knees up to balance on the edge of the bench--carefully offers her hand out between them]
...Can I...?
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ there's staunch disagreement in that-- nem IS good enough, more than-- but it's washed away a bit by the offer of her hand, surprised and a little flattered.
... carefully, she offers hers. ]
You want to?
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[hesitates again, then takes Requiem's hand, slow enough that she could take it back if she wanted to--she certainly has the right to do so. offers the idea that Requiem is in fact very good, and that she would like to touch her though it is not required or expected, and--finally--feelings of genuine apology, not requesting forgiveness but just acknowledging that she fucked up and that she's sorry for it, with effort made to keep it simple as that, rather than other unnecessary feelings bleeding in]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
takes that apology-- acknowledges it with forgiveness, pretty much immediately, the feeling swamped in affection and warmth and a little regret, a desire to be closer (but not pushing it) and comfort her (not really believing she's allowed, or capable) and just... want? Plain want, coming from that deep and warm and aching place of love, wanting her to be happy, wanting to be close, wanting to touch, wanting her attention and affection and, more than anything, wanting her to be sure this is actually what she wants. Requiem, this situation-- any of it.
but she cares about her, so much, so if nothing else-- if nothing else, surely that counts for something. ]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
(there is a certain yearning that leaks out nevertheless, wanting acknowledgement and comfort and to be wanted, if not needed, but maybe no one will notice that part)]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ it's impossible not to notice, her attention hooking into that yearning and pulling it closer-- this is something she can do, something she can HELP, and she can't stop herself from flooding the connection with honest, eager desire.
Nor can she stop herself from giving into the impulse of that desire, shuffling closer to close the gap between them and curl her arms around Nem and wrap around her, wings and all, grip tight. ]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
It is why she presses back into Req’s embrace with another low hum, neediness taking a slightly different tone. The desire is met with plenty of her own once she stops attempting to hide it, and she noses into Req’s shoulder and neck. skin hot and lips soft, still wanting all of those things and happy to settle for any]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
Even if it's not love, this is more than enough. ]
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Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ she mumbles it against her hair, almost fiercely, a response to that unspoken plea. She squeezes again, holding her tight, but ultimately relaxes against her and just shivers under those little kisses, flattered and totally smitten, even if those little threads of apology rise up in her as well.
she pulls back slightly, to press her own little kiss under nem's ear, her fingers smoothing down against her sides. ]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[because she doesn’t want to leave like this—because she wants to be held and needed, even if she’s weak and awkward and undeserving—because the few times she actually can be a support to Requiem make the rest feel worthwhile. Because she likes it here, held in Req’s cool skin and warm heart and when it’s good, when she doesn’t mess it up, it’s amazing.
So she follows after, automatic, as Req pulls back; shivers at the touch, half ticklish, half aroused; angles her head to give Req room—angles it again to try and catch her lips in an attempt to at least push some of that feeling across]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
many feelings are certainly getting across, at least, and she eagerly kisses her back, her own warm arousal sparking again at the feel of her lips and body and nem's own pleasure.
-- and it stutters, briefly, as she pulls back, presses those tiny, sweet kisses to her lips and cheeks, trying to reign it in. they're in a park, after all. ]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
Nemesis does not push it, but very obviously wants to. (She's never been great at not getting carried away)]
Marceline-- Can we...?
[mental images don't quite carry over through the link, but given the associated feelings, Requiem can probably make some educated guesses]
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
there's a quick moment, a record scratch, as she parses that-- and the arousal burns hotter, immediate, intertwined with desire and faint concern.
she strokes over Nem's side, pulling back just enough to speak and look at her face. ]
You sure...?
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[cheeks dark but not exactly embarrassed; it's no secret that she has the hottest girlfriend, or at least it shouldn't be,
but then she thinks twice; continues, differently self-conscious]
Uh, but if you're not, and that's super cool if so, can we still just--hide out or something? If you don't gotta get back.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ amusement and good humor, completely endeared, learning in to kiss her cheek. ]
Just wasn't sure you'd wanna, after all that.
[ and, something a little more nervous: ]
... wanted to make sure it wasn't just-- anything I was feeling making you think it, either. I guess.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[weird - flighty - dumb - moody - needy - unreliable - she waves her hand, dismisses the feelings]
--Anyways, I get it. But no, you ain't making me feel this way... I mean, you are of course, but not the way you're worried about.
[bravado covering more self-conscious desire, mixed with attraction and fondness and a bashful longing just to be near her]
But--yeah, yeah, if you wanna, I wanna. And that goes for like...99 percent of cases...
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
She leans in and use kisses her cheek again, lingering. ]
... just making sure.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
Definitely don't gotta worry about that. ...But thanks.
[It's nice that Req remembers to ask even when she herself doesn't, and she sends another wave of trust and gratitude, feels special just to be here in the first place]
So--you wanna go...?
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
[ the trust is it's own thing; stirs a wave of surprise and that desperate, chest-deep ache of love.
She squeezes her up into another hug. ]
... yeah. I just wanna be with you.
Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share
...C'mon, lead the way.
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