unbr8kable | IC Inbox

[The dog hesitates only for a moment before sniffing back, countering the kitty smacks with a few curious licks to these strange creatures]

As a feathery dog you can still be part of her pack, so it’s basically the same as you as human. She’ll teach you which guys to bite if they try anything funny.

...But I guess I can be doggo au pair, if you’re already worried about being irresponsible.

[One kitten straight up falls over from being licked, and the rest run around him in alarm and excitement!!

Griffin looks on with amusement, before putting all the plates of food down.]

Great. I knew I could count on you.

Sure, sure.

What're you gonna name your dog?

Didn't I say you could name her?

'S your dog. You wanna make sure she's got a good name, right? Not like Butts or something.

...

You would not name her Butts.

Try me. Ms. Wiggly Butts, Ph.D. I can see it on business cards.

[to be fair, she does seem to wag her tail enthusiastically at the cats and the room and the cat food, even if no one seems interested in sharing it]

Ooh, Butts is her maiden name. Well-- I guess you better start printing those cards then. She sounds very accomplished.

You're not marrying her off already, are you? There's better ways to come up with alliances, y'know.

Are you kidding me. Puppy dates sounds like the best fucking grounds for an alliance ever.

'Sides, doesn't Requiem have a dog?

Edited 2020-01-04 20:19 (UTC)

Yeah. But marrying her dog ain't gonna do much to change Zrael's decision-making process. ...You might need to go be fluffy at Dia or something.

How hard could that be? She seems like a total bleeding heart.

Yeah, and she's got Stabs Guy and Man Eater in her pocket. So if you need extra insurance, that's what I'd do.

Are those names accurate?

[Alarming but also: hmm exciting.]

Fine, Man☆Eater and D☆★dleman...or something like that. The short green hair guy and the dumb tattoo guy.

[her star pronunciation is a bit wobbly but not absolutely terrible]

[H...how are you saying the star.]

Well. Maybe they like dogs too. I leave it to you t'endear them.

[tongue position is important]

...I guess I can set you up with a date...maybe. I dunno if you're their type, though, you might have to clean up some to impress.

She's a puppy, how much cleaning up does she need...

I meant you. She is perfect.

[HOW DID WE START TALKING ABOUT MARRYING ME OFF]

I've got way too many suitors already, thanks!!

[When were we NOT talking about marrying you off]

One, gross. Two, whose fault is that? Ain't my fault you got plusses to hoeing. You may as well use that power for good.

[His voice has become a tinny, deathly wheeze]

"Plusses to hoeing."

[Pats his shoulder]

We all have our talents. For some of us that's way too hard but looks like you can stick it through.

[No, sorry, he's going to have an existential crisis right now. Leans against the counter and just shoves his face in his hands.]

Oh my god I've become a slut. I'm turning into my mom.

Hey, hey, this isn't a time for slut shaming. It's time for slut pride. C'mon, the honey pot is an important and valued role to any operation, and not just anybody can pull it off.

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