unbr8kable | continuations

It ain't like I don't like you being...uh, decisive, sometimes.

[the reaction is part flattered, part self-conscious, and a couple parts aroused, and she licks dry lips before forcing herself to continue]

I just-- Not really into being--

([vulnerable, out of control, honest...)]

--Like that around a bunch of people if I can help it. But--that's kind of a personal problem, right? Don't worry about it, do what you want. I can deal.

[this is definitely bravado speaking, and she laces their fingers for strength]

[ there's a thread of irritation at that-- a quick spark, not so much directed at nem as the idea she's proposing, and she pauses to face her ]

If it isn't something you want, I don't want to do it.

[opens her mouth and closes it; shifts, another awkward, self-conscious wave going over her before she can hide it away]

Look... I mean, it's a normal thing that normal couples do...right? So it's...fine--I ain't some dumb kid.

No. It's not normal.

[ a little exasperated, but fond, and a little worried... much of it turns inward, sort of guilty for not noticing well enough before, for not pressing her concern harder the last time stuff like this came up.

you're a moron, req. of course it's always been like this and you should have known better.

... she loosens her grip on Nem's hand a little, to signal she can pull away if she wants, too. ]

I won't do that stuff outside anymore. Promise.

Edited 2020-05-11 05:29 (UTC)

[Alarm; why couldn't she have kept her big mouth shut? Her response comes quick, expression a little forced]

You--you don't gotta promise anything like that. It's just--crowds, and I can take crowds--only one way to get used to it. So you don't--you don't gotta change nothing, 'specially for something dumb like that. Okay?

[Her feelings are clear despite her efforts to hide them: don't leave me, I can be good enough, I can do better. And beneath that, resigned hopelessness at the fact that she'd messed things up again, how is she so bad at everything]

[ -- alarm, sharp and immediate as those feelings reach her, quickly simmering into something cold and despairing at the idea that she'd think req would leave her over something so small. Over something NEM was uncomfortable with.

Her grip on her hand goes tighter again, her expression matching the feelings of desperate determination to make it right and sparking fear that Nemesis was so... afraid, of her, their relationship, their feelings, that she would even let herself be hurt for it. ]

It's not dumb, your feelings aren't dumb! I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you, I don't want you to be-- afraid, of telling me when you're unhappy or uncomfortable. The whole problem last time was not telling each other stuff, I don't want that to happen again!

If I can't even be good enough to you not to make you do stuff that makes you uncomfy, I'm a shit girlfriend to begin with. Not... being grabby or kissy in a crowd doesn't stop me from caring about you. It doesn't stop me being happy with you. It's an easy thing for me to fix if it makes you feel better.

Edited 2020-05-11 07:11 (UTC)

[Swallows, throat thick. What's she even supposed to say? She tries to send reassurance through their link, though it's somewhat undercut by the welling shame and self-flagellation she's hoping both of them can ignore]

--You ain't the shit girlfriend. And I ain't afraid to tell you nothing... I mean--I said something when it was too much, didn't I? So--it's--fine now, I'm fine.

I like us, I like you--who you are today, right now. So--you don't gotta baby me, and you don't gotta change yourself for something that ain't that important, okay?

[A little desperate; a plea; and save for a wobble at the idea of being totally open since that sounds like a bad idea, she at least believes she is telling the truth]

You're plenty good to me, okay? I just--want you to be happy.

[ the shame gets something guilty in return-- and a determination, clinging to that reassurance and meeting it with a fierce sense of devotion and sympathizing hurt at her feelings that she tries to push into affection as much as she can. ]

It's not... babying. And I just want you to be happy too. I keep telling you-- I don't mind changing little things. It doesn't hurt me, it doesn't change anything for me. And you're not a shit girlfriend, don't ever... like, make it sound like you are.

[ the feelings ease a little, softening into-- well, love. Deep and a little aching but pure, as she tugs her a little closer. ]

... you don't gotta feel bad about this stuff. Not with me. I'm sorry I-- wigged out there, a bit.

[Leans in, (self-conscious, but) glad for the contact. (Nervous, but) thankful for the feeling, the affection, the attention in general. (Uncertain of Req's words, but) she trusts that Requiem isn't lying. So she keeps quiet for most of it, (embarrassed and feeling small and it's so stupid, but) gratefully seeking comfort in Req's arms]

...It's fine, you're fine. Sorry for all this.

[ that feeling sparks warmer, less tight in her chest, relieved as nem leans in. there's something nervous in it, too, but she just seems happy to have gotten out of that little spat with nothing more than a bit of hurt feelings, so she hugs her close, trying to chase away those negative feelings with her affection and the certainty that nem is GOOD and she loves her despite what she might think. ]

No-- I'm sorry, I didn't...

[ awkward, for a moment ]

... didn't realize you-- felt so strongly, about... yourself. Like that. Um. Guess I got scared. Thought maybe some of it was my fault. M'sure some is, but... m'gonna try to make those parts better.

[tries not to go too stiff and awkward herself, since there's very little point in trying to hide anything when they're like this, a fact that's both freeing and terrifying]

I mean--you weren't supposed to. I was supposed to figure something out and you wouldn't ever have to know.

[regret and embarrassment--for being found out--for failing--for needing help in the first place. if only she'd been good enough....the story of her life. she certainly doesn't feel good much less lovable, but... the emotions from Req wash over her, and they are hard feelings to fake.

and selfishly, gratefully, undeserving or not, she takes them in--wraps them around her, warm and safe, same as Requiem's embrace. slowly, she snakes her arms and her own feelings around to hug back--thanks, appreciation, apology; a private, shy fondness, carefully offered]

[ that offering's accepted readily, excitably, tangling her own feelings in it like lacing warm fingers together and holding tight. taking those feelings of "not good enough" and failure and commiserating, sure, when is req ever good enough either, but swaddling them in such dense affection that even if this is the case it doesn't matter, because it's all part of the bigger set of things that make her like Nem to begin with.

that deep fondness, the softly achey love pulses like a heartbeat from her core, stronger when nemesis hugs her back and intensifying briefly when req squeezes and nuzzles in against her hair, smiling against her. it's entirely selfish, sure-- but nem's positive emotions, even nervous or shy as they are, make her feel that much happier. ]

That's the sort of thing we can do together, though. If you wanna, I mean.

Oh...

[she hadn't thought about it like that.

neither the thought of teamworking things out, nor the idea that not-good-enough could be...enough. so--maybe it's okay, not getting it all good on even the third try--at least that's how it feels when shored up by all Req's reassurance and support. honestly she looks a little dazed, dizzy with the emotion. she hugs tighter, burying her face hot in Req's chest so she doesn't have to see what must be an embarrassingly soft expression.

it's somehow less embarrassing to have the soft feeling, a warm, gentle glow deep in her chest. Req's love and joy wraps around the feeling, protecting it, stoking the flame. and it flickers brighter in return, fed by that heartbeat and the smile against her hair]

O-okay. If you wanna.

[ that love bubbles up a little deeper at that feeling, rising up in her chest, and she can't resist giving nem a tight squeeze and nuzzling her face in against her hair for a moment. the expression is DEFINITELY embarrassingly soft, sorry. but so are the feelings so really there's no escape. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I wanna.

[It's okay from her--most things are okay from her. Embarrassed or no, Nemesis is even less interested in escaping than she usually is, and allows herself to be bundled in the soft acceptance. She reflects it back best she can, a hesitant, gentle contentment from within, surrounding them both as warm and soothing as bathwater]

Okay. 'Cause I wanna be--better.

[Quiet, and honest, and a little shy]

Personally... I dunno that you need it.

[ and that's an honest belief too-- she's already grown so much even just as long as Req has known her, and she loves that too.

But she grows content with the feeling, that warm love happy to settle in alongside Nem's quieter emotion and curl protectively around it, even as Req loosens her own grip on her. ]

But whatever it is you wanna change, I'm gonna try to help.

[Stays leaning there for a while longer, holding tight, breathing Req's scent, taking in the still novel idea that maybe she actually can do something]

Ah,

[and she tugs Requiem down--goes up on tiptoes to give her a kiss, pushing through gratitude and appreciation and thanks, pure and honest where her words always feel flat and awkward: please, and thank you]

[ a burst of pure joy at that, leaning down to eagerly kiss her back, warm and grateful and a feeling that's effectively just MAN I'M SO LUCKY ]

[That is immediately echoed, lucky and pleased and slowly more confident, a warm tingle growing in her chest and spreading throughout her body, a pulse of 'okay, awesome']

[ very awesome.

there's that little sparking thread of arousal again, arm and brief, even if the tingling in her ears and fingers and lips is more from their shared feelings and nem's confidence and pleasure than anything else, so she pulls back after a moment to kiss her forehead. ]

Kittyyyy.

[Spoilers, there is 99 percent of the time arousal tinder around to catch even the smallest sparks, and this is no different. She flushes at the kiss and the feelings and the proximity, self-conscious and pleased and soft and fluttery inside]

Marceliiine.

[Imitating her tone, gently teasing and shyly delighted to do so]

...Maybe we should get a hideout, since we seem to keep having talks on the street.

[ *warm not arm, oops. oh well.

that arousal definitely burns just a bit brighter, tempered by her feelings of genuine joy and amusement when she's mimicked, separating from her just slightly but taking her hand, threading their fingers together. ]

S'not my fault the city has so much street in it.

[ and she considers the idea of a hideout, briefly; the immediate jump in arousal and the desire to tease, the warmth, the plain excitement of the idea of building something together with Nem-- but quickly threading through with... guilt, or something close to it, softening those feelings. something maybe a little anxious, but it ultimately all gets pushed away-- no sense in worrying about it when nothing ever happens, after all. ]

... if you really wanna, I'd love to.

[Cocks her head, a little confusion, a little hesitance, but still soft and game for suggestion. She thumbs over the back of Req's hand, gentle]

I mean. If you'd rather something else... Could luxe it up with a car or boat or something. Or some fancy addition to the dorm could work, too.

[ the negative feelings are washed away entirely within a second or two, and she tugs her hand to start walking. ]

Nah. A weird batcave is perfect for me, I think.

[squeezes back warmly, and falls in beside her]

Not sure there's any caves under the city--that we can access, anyways. Unless you're talking about taking over the ski lodge.

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

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Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share

Re: Day 235 - Emotion Share